Photography by Rose Catherine Hohl
Shot at Marcus Market in Midtown Detroit
One particular story sticks out when I think about the corner store market.
When I was 16 I called myself having a boyfriend which was a fail. On one particular day in late summer, which happened to be my boyfriend's 18th birthday, I went to the corner store and it was in the moment after entering the store that changed my 16th year on this planet, well almost. My boyfriend and I spent a couple hours in the afternoon hanging out listening to music before he left to have his birthday dinner with his family. When we parted ways I went on about my day.
As it was summer with high temps, I walked up to the corner store market for a soda and chips. Completely normal thing to do on a summer's day for a teenager. As I was in line to cash out, it just so happened that the girl in front of me mentioned my boyfriend's name. When she said his name, something hit me, something felt out of place within me maybe as though something had being ripped out of me. Naturally if someone says your boyfriend's name you want to know just what in the world the person has to say and who they are. As you might've guessed, I asked the girl how she knew him and she point blank responded, "He is my boyfriend."
It was in that moment at the corner store that I found out for a fact that my boyfriend was not just my boyfriend, he was someone else's boyfriend. For a 16 year old girl this is traumatic, like the world caves in and you become beside yourself falling into a dizzy spiral... I know I did.
Well, okay.... I mean, what?! I mean wait! What the [bleep] did you just say?!?!!
I was in shock. I could not believe it. I mean my boyfriend and I had just went to Cedar Point with our friends the weekend before and all the while he wasn't really MY boyfriend. So without explaining who I was, I kindly asked the girl to come over to my house to hang. It was then in the hanging out segment of this encounter that I learned that the story was deeper than I had anticipated and was prepared for. The details matter but not worth going in depth with in this post. With finding out such traumatic life altering news that had the power to destroy my 16 year old existence, created a rebellious lash out. After lashing out, I caved, I went cold, I went numb. Any thought of love faded, love became distant. I wanted to runaway, grow up STAT! Be away from my 16 year old heartbroken self as fast as I could. Everything that anyone had said to me about young love became apparent. I remember being told that I would experience many loves. That whatever first love I had experienced would hurt but it would not be the first and last love to hurt.
For the rest of the summer, I avoided seeing my ex-boyfriend by staying in my house. We lived in the same neighborhood and knew some of the same neighborhood folks so what else could I really do? Summer passed, Fall passed and Winter hit; and I remember sitting at my bedroom window looking out still feeling awful. During my stage of mourning and self-pity, another gem of wise life sayings was shared with me: time heals all wounds. But it did not feel as though time was playing fair and helping me heal in any way. I can not recall how long it actually took to get over him but this saying proved to be true too.
It is crazy how life experiences starts to show the truth in these wise life sayings that we run away from at a young age out of rebellion, ego and lack of experience. I've learned so many lessons and still in the process of learning when it comes to love.
It has been over ten years since and if there is one thing that I use as the foundation for dating, learning to love, and experiencing love is to trust my intuition. When I think back I do believe there were many signs that showed that my ex-boyfriend was seeing another girl but I ignored them. I kept with whatever story and excuses aka lies I had made up in my own head. You know, just trying to be a decent human and give him the benefit of the doubt.
To trust your gut and yourself is a difficult thing to do sometimes. But I have found that if something does not feel right within my being then I have to go with that and use that strong sense as a guide. This is the basis for sifting through the BS and finding the real thing. You have to go with your gut and/or intuition. Some people may not believe in this magical human power that is coined intuition, but it is a tool that we need to utilize more often. When dating and learning about an individual, be aware, be true to you, ask questions, and please please do not ignore your magical human power. With also knowing not all love is meant to stay, but only meant to help us in learning and growing into better stronger versions of ourselves. In the same breathe, trust your intuition and heart enough to know when real love arrives. Love looks different in different phases of our life, but it is important to grow to understand what real love is and how to be courageous and bold in accepting it's truth and power.
So as the story goes for some young first teenage love and relationship, that was not my boyfriend, he was not the guy I was destined to end up with... these are facts. But I realize now that I have a better gauge on situations, by trusting my intuition and being more aware. So if there is anything you take away from this post, yes you will get your heart broken my dear dreamcatcher but I swear it gets better and will get better. There is someone worthy of your awesomeness and badassness, this is a fact. These experiences in life will and are meant to help sharpen your intuition. Utilize it and always be open to the magic of love.
Wearing: Zara Gingham Floral Scarf | Zara Knit Dress | Puma Metallic Basket Creepers